This Sunday afternoon Stephanie and her husband, Derrick, welcomed me into their home. They just moved in a few months before and I was in love with all the rustic look. They sort of felt like I was the wee bit crazy one. Because well…they weren’t really feeling their limestone wall. Ok I cropped in guys… so ha! Their two pups, were in love with me too. We spoke about their trips, making pit stops around the US at local breweries, and picking up a glass at each stop they made. They shared their story of how they met, the PG version anyways. Haha! Which involved some making out, and cougars on patrol. Watch out! ;) We shared lots of laughs but…
…What you don’t see on the surface is that this couple right here has struggled with infertility. It’s not that they just could not get pregnant, but for whatever reason Stephanie’s body just wouldn’t carry a baby past the 1st trimester. Some of us women take for granted getting pregnant…it just works. Some probably don’t have to track their ovulation, or technically even know what that is. Believe it or not 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. This isn’t 1 in 4 women this is 1 in 4 PREGNANCIES!
Stephanie has been a great advocate for those women that have suffered the loss of a pregnancy. She talks about her struggles openly, and I know that sharing probably hasn’t always been easy for her. Through her journey I know she has empowered so many women, like her, along the way…she might not even know who yet!
This baby is going to be arriving within the next few weeks and he/she is going to be the most beautiful rainbow! 4 pregnancies lost but this one baby….this baby is the rainbow at the end of all that storm.
Keep in touch with my page for their birth story!
Stephanie shares about her journey into motherhood below —>
“After every storm comes a rainbow. Although the storm may leave behind damage that may always remain, the rainbow gives you a glimpse of hope and beauty in God's ways.
It's been a long journey of storms for me. When I was young my doctor told me having kids would be difficult. In 2008 I was blessed with a pregnancy, but was only given the beautiful experience for 4 short weeks. In 2012 my now husband and I were overjoyed to finally get two pink lines! Unfortunately around 6-8 weeks the heartbeat couldn't be found and shortly after we miscarried. We turned to our doctor in 2016 for advice and with the help of Clomid were pregnant again that Spring. In April we were surprised, scared and excited to find a faint heartbeat! The following week though we were informed of devastating news that the babies heart had stopped beating and they found a second baby in my tube. The odds of a baby in uterine and an ectopic pregnancy at the same time is a 1 in 10,000 chance. We were heartbroken to say the least, but determined we would still get our rainbow one day.
After a miscarriage you have to wait 3 months before trying again. We got back on Clomid, but after 6 months had no luck. We had been through all of our tests with no luck for answers as to why we were struggling. In December of 2016 we were told by our dr that we would need to go to a fertility specialist. He believed my tubes were closed. If so that meant either reconstructive surgery or IVF. Both options we knew were out of our budget, but we still wanted answers so decided to see a specialist. The waiting list was 3 months. In the mean time, we were approached by a friend about accupuncture. If our only other option was something we knew we wouldn't be able to afford we decided to keep the small bit of hope alive and give accupuncture a try.
In April 2017 we started treatments and by June 2017 we were pregnant! It was the quickest we had ever gotten pregnant before. The week I found out I was pregnant we went in for labs. My levels were low so we did lab work again two days later. My levels still hadn't rose much, so my dr told me we would probably miscarry again and wanted to see me that next week. We went in for my appointment expecting bad news again like the 3 times before. During our sono the tech was actually talking to us. As soon as she pointed out the baby I was immediately filled with hope but also fear of going through a loss again. Two weeks later we went back and found a heartbeat. I couldn't believe it! A couple weeks later we went back and got to hear the heartbeat! Every appointment as I was expecting bad news we only ended up with great updates from our sono technician and our doctor. During this time we continued with accupuncture to help sustain the pregnancy. Hearing the good news from her only helped fill me with more hope of this actually turning into our dream!
They say when you get past the first trimester your safe. I was officially further along than ever before but still had fear with every ache and pain. We're 22 weeks, our doctor is confident in March we will be holding our little bundle of joy. Although I still have fears, they are slowly being overrun with excitement every time I feel a little kick or nudge.
We are about to finally experience our rainbow after our storm. The emotions are overwhelming sometimes but finally with positive emotions.
I will always hold a special place in my heart for my 4 angels in heaven. I went through all the different stages of grieving, but eventually leaned on God and my husband to get me through.
My sister, Maria Morris wrote a beautiful poem after my second miscarriage that I have always held close to my heart.
A Conversation between a Perfect Soul and God.
A Perfect Soul, Looked up at God,
With Big and Innocent Eyes,
She Said to Him, “I Like That One!”
As She Pointed at You from the Skies
He Said “My Child, You are Special,
“I’m afraid, I’m Just Not Ready”
She Looked at God and Said Again,
But This Time Slower and Steady.
“She’s Beautiful, and I Can Tell,
She’s Ready to Meet Me Too.”
The Little Soul Asked One More Time,
“Please, God, What Can I Do?”
He Said to Her, “My Sweet Child,
I Want You Here With Me,
I Have a Place Just for You,
Here in Heaven, Come and See.”
“I’m Sure Your Place in Heaven,
Is as Beautiful as Can Be.
But Father God, Why Can’t I Go,
To the Place She Has for Me.”
He Said to Her, “My Lovely Child,
You’re Special, and I Have Plans.
If I Let You Go, She’ll See Your Face.
You’re Perfect, She Won’t Understand.”
“If I Stay Here God, Will I See her Again?
I Love Her With All My Heart.”
He said to her, “Of Course, Dear Angel,
You Will Never Be Apart.”
I have always been open about my struggles and losses. With that I have been surprised to learn how many others struggle as well. Some with success stories, some without. Being open gave me support systems I never knew I had. From friends and family members that experienced loss to strangers that have given support as well. Of course being open can have its draw backs of terrible advice, but having others to lean on gave me a support system of women who had been through similar situations as me. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. 1 in 4. Unfortunately, many of those are dealt with in silence for fear of shame or guilt. My dream. My way of honoring my angels is to raise awareness and to let women know they are not alone."
Kansas Photographer, and teacher inspired by birth, imperfections, giggles, thrift shop treasures, & acts of randomness